Where did that come from?

So I am getting ready for my big move. 10 days to go! I've been busy too with social events like a bachelorette party/getaway last weekend and tomorrow I am going to a friends cottage for the weekend. This doesn't sound like a lot of things but I am such an introvert and all of the socializing can really tire me out.

Nonetheless, I've packed my camping gym bag for another weekend of tanning and saying goodbye to our old friends as we are all going in different directions for school this fall.

While these are all celebrations and things to look forward to, I've been having pop-up panic attacks throughout the week. I've come to understand my anxiety and I used to suffer a lot from panic attacks growing up but they sordove dwindled after grade 12. Here and there I will have a flare up but this last week has been very difficult.

Usually, something triggers my panic attacks and I can see them coming and sometimes talk myself through them pretty efficiently but these ones come out of nowhere and it takes a good 20 minutes for me to catch my breath (compared to the usual 3-5 minutes).


I hope I can get them under control and I hope it doesn't interfere with my new school and apartment.

Thanks for the read and I hope you're enjoying the heat (if there's heat where you are! :) )

xoxo

- A

Just not cut out for it

So I've been back at my summer place for a week now and I must say, I'm not getting back into the swing of things.

I've been getting extremely overwhelmed and stressed out and tonight I actually had a breakdown in the middle of the rush and started crying in the middle of the kitchen/main side stand in front of all of the staff.

I'm just so frustrated. I have been serving since first year.. which means I've been serving for 4 years now. Mind you, I've served on and off and at a bunch of different places because I move away for school and home for the summers. But I'm still a weak server. At this point I think I've come to terms with the idea that I just suck at serving. Some people can do it and others can't. I'm one that can't. My friend has been serving for maybe two years now and she handles so many tables and gives good service and keeps a cool head. I get 4 tables and I start panicking.

While I know that I don't plan on turning serving into a career, I don't know if I should just walk away from it all-together. Serving is a career for many people and they can make more money than people sitting behind a desk. I'm not blind to the stigma around serving as a career. I commend you if you do this for a living. It takes a strong, smart, collected and quick-thinking person to be able to handle this profession.

I need the money desperately for school but if I'm a weak server, I know I'm a burden for the rest of the staff and that makes me feel shitty. I know how annoying it is to have a weak link and in this case, I'm the weak link.

I hope I figure it out I guess. Thanks for the read. I needed to flush it out because I've been tossing and turning for the last hour going over the stress of tonight's shift.

Hopefully now I can get some sleep and prepare to do it all again tomorrow.

xoxo

- A

A day late and a dollar short

So if you are familiar with post-secondary education, you must understand that the month of November is when all of the school fun stops because you are just being completely bombarded with assignments and midterms.

This semester is not holding back. Every time I feel like I got a bit ahead, I realize that there is no such thing as being ahead, but just 2 steps away from the monster that is chasing you and hot on your trail.

Work is good. I wish I was working more than one three hour shift a week. I did that at my old place and usually took home around 80 dollars a shift. I seem to average 50 at the diner which just isn't cutting it.

I have a bit of a funny story for you that I've been trying to find time to write about. A couple weeks ago I was changing and refilling the little bottles of hot sauce that we keep on the tables at the diner. One had been clogged so I aimed it at the sink and squeezed it as hard as I could. Like a complete idiot.

Of course it came out and I was squeezing the bottle so much that it splattered all over the place and hit me in the face, eyes, pretty much my entire upper body. I literally finished my shift splattered in hot sauce. My skin was burning (I took the time to wash it out of my eyes at least) and a customer had the nerve to laugh and call me a chicken wing.

Let's just say when I came home, my roommates became hysterical over my bad luck and poor decisions.

Anyways,

These last couple of weeks have just felt like two steps forward one step back. At least we are slowly getting closer to Christmas break. I finish exams really early this semester so I will get to enjoy the Christmas season without being covered in hives resulting from school stress (true story).

If you are in school, it sucks but just keep going! We are in the darkest part of the tunnel but when the light begins to show, you'll forget how far down you were.

and if you're a server. I hope you at least have a funny experience because even serving can suck your soul dry sometimes.


xoxo

- A

I'm not sorry for being new

Hey readers,

I hardly enjoyed the week off. I spent it procrastinating and stressing about the assignments I have due this week and am now left with that mess to clean up. But that's not what this blog is about. I worked another shift at the diner today, which may be my 4th shift there (I could be wrong). I am still a baby at this place and the menu is huge.

I had a table of 6 come in that looked my age. I was on top of serving them, but when it came to taking their orders, I had to ask other workers the questions that my customers had. I told them that I am still very new (and when I do that, customers are usually super kind and patient) but these people were rude and actually made me feel a bit stupid.

One of the girls who paid for 2 bills didn't even tip me and when it happened, I felt pretty shitty about myself. Obviously they didn't like their service.


And then it hit me.

F*ck you.

Seriously. I'm just a student whose busting her ass in school full time, working and volunteering. I put my all into my job but I am also very new and I know I do my best. So f*ck you if you don't see that while I might not have been the best, I was truly trying my best.

You can keep your 10% tip.


I just don't give myself enough credit sometimes.

xoxo

- A

Hakuna Matata

Hello readers (does anyone still read my blogs anymore?),

These last couple of weeks have been pretty uneventful but that was exactly what I've needed. I have been resting, relaxing, seeing friends and family, cleaning up my room and getting ready to move out for school and catching up on Pokemon Go (don't knock it till you try it).

I feel ready to start school. I feel refreshed and eager to get back into a learning environment. I finished summer school with great marks so I feel pretty good about myself.

I got an email today from my University and found out that I made the Deans' List for this last year. I have always been a pretty average student so this was really exciting. My parents and siblings were super happy for me :).

So far we still do not have a roommate for the vacant room BUT I know someone looked at the house today and liked it so we might not get what we want and have the room stay vacant. I mean, at this point, I just have to stay positive and go with the flow. I am naturally very pessimistic so I have been trying to work on it. From what I hear, this person seems normal and respectable so that's good at least.

In terms of employment - I am still a bum! As soon as I move out on Saturday, I am hitting up all of the restaurants in my area. I know it's super late to be applying but hey, I got a job last year and I had applied at the beginning of October so hopefully the serving gods will be looking down on me again.

I hope everyone has been enjoying the last couple weeks of summer and are mentally preparing for the very busy labour day weekend!

xoxo

- A

The Holiday Tipper Strikes Again!

Tonight was mayhem as we were disgustingly short-staffed but that didn't stop me from getting the holiday tip once again!

Three women were sat in my section during the crazy dinner rush. They didn't strike me as anything as they seemed somewhat unkept. I honestly did not expect much from them. They were't waiting long but my manager greeted them anyways. I could tell he knew them (so they were regulars). I had taken their drink orders and before I had brought them back he had gotten their all you can eat salads. I knew he wasn't doing this because he thought I wasn't getting there in time. He was just being friendly with them because he knew them.

After I thanked him for taking care of them while I was getting caught up on other tables trying to pay he said "make sure to take awesome care of them because they will give you a fantastic tip". So I did. They were very sweet and patient anyways so it wasn't like it was difficult.

I genuinely enjoy waiting on people who are friendly and easy going. So if you go to a restaurant and you're service is bad... maybe you're an asshole.

Or maybe you just have a bad server.

Getting off track here...

So it comes time for them to settle up and their bill was 40 dollars. When I looked at the debit receipt it read:

Tip: $60.

Almost shit my pants. But then they told me that half was for the manager because he was wonderful. But still, 30 dollars on a 40 dollar bill is an AMAZING tip. I was so grateful.

So my message is this: never judge a book by its cover. Seriously. The nicest people come in all forms. And nasty people do too. Remember that.

Tomorrow is my last day at the restaurant and I must say that I am a little sad to be saying good bye to the staff. I have really grown to love a few of them.

xoxo

- A

"The Owner asked to be Seated in Your Section"

It was at that moment that I wanted to evaporate.

So we were expecting it to be dead tonight because it's a long weekend. We only had 5 servers on when we usually have 8 or 9. We got slammed after the manager went down to THREE servers. I had 7 tables at once which is insane for my place and the kitchen was so backed up. It was just the crap I only have nightmares about coming true right before my eyes.

As if shit couldn't get any worse, the owner came in with his family and sat in my section. I have never served him before and I was so nervous I was literally shaking. I didn't really know how to approach it. Would I just go and they would order without a second thought?

Well he made it clear when he told me to go through all of the steps of service.

I froze like a deer in headlights and couldn't even utter a word. If I wasn't so busy with other tables, I would have managed it better. But I had 6 tables to look after not including them. I just straight up told him that I don't do well under pressure and I was incredibly nervous. He eventually accepted that I was a lost cause and just went through the motions. My co-workers now know my pre-anxiety attack face and helped me so much when they could. Even just telling me that I got this and not to stress. Even my manager was like "just do your best, who cares! You are only here for the summer so don't even worry". It really helped to know that people had my back.

And I rang in gluten free penne for the owners dish instead of regular penne. We serve all of our GF food on bright green plates so it's not like I could have hid it. After I rang it in I went to the kitchen and told them that I made the mistake and they gave me shit because I waited like 10 minutes to tell them. Luckily I was looking over what I rang in or else I wouldn't have even caught it at all.

I just got in for the night and I have to open tomorrow morning so I need to be at the restaurant in less than 12 hours. That is so depressing considering how crazy tonight was. I made $100 and really need the money but hopefully it isn't as crazy tomorrow.

xoxoxox

- gossip girl

- A

Just a Little Update

Hey friends,

I am just writing this blog to let you know how I have been doing since my last post. I am happy to report that I have been feeling a lot better. My two hard courses have ended (and I have started a newer, easier one) and work has been a bit better. My favourite manager who seems to be one of the best when it comes to handling the rush and helping servers got back from vacation and I feel so much better when she is managing the shift. As a result, work has been a bit less stressful.

Of course my anxiety can't evaporate over night but it has reduced to a level that I can tolerate and manage to continue living my normal daily life.

Thanks for all of your kind words and support, it really means a lot to have someone take the time out  of their day to not only read my blogs but give me encouragement when I feel like I can't stand on my two feet.

I work a lot this weekend so I am sure I will have a good story for you guys by the end of it.

Later days,

- A

I Gave Table 11 a Shower

Well it finally happened.

I was dropping four waters off at my table and didn't think about how I was taking them off of my tray (rookie mistake) and my tray flipped and the water dumped all over me, my table and my customers.

This was the first time I have ever done that and I was already close to being in the weeds and I just wanted to melt into a puddle. They were super nice about it. They were foreign and spoke so softly and proper with their accents even after the spill. Of course they still had their menus so everything was soaked.

The father was really nice about it, but the mother looked at me like I was a cockroach and it made me feel almost ashamed. I know it isn't good but I pretty much avoided them as much as I could for the rest of the time I have been there.

I have been so stressed with school this week that I go into work extra-stressed and I feel like bad things just keep happening to me, like I can't catch a break.

The other night, my one table had a huge chunk of spaghetti stuck together and it took forever for the kitchen to fix it, then someone stole one of my dishes for another table so it took double the time to make the thing that someone else took. I was so angry I took the time to hunt them down and give them shit for not reading the ticket. I had four seniors with a grandchild and they were trying to nickel and dime everything and had a bunch of MOD's on their senior meals.

I just need a break. I am officially halfway through my summer break which means I am halfway through working there.

My your trays be balanced and your modified dishes be made right the first time,

- A

Will The Madness Ever End?!

I have three papers due next week and I work every day for the rest of the week.

Paper one: 3 pages (not bad)
Paper two: 1500 - 2000 words (doable)
Paper three: 6500 words (WHAT?)

I am trying to tackle the third paper right now and as I am working through it, I can't stop thinking about how I will hardly be able to work on them after tomorrow because I work 2 split shifts this weekend  and a pre-close (hello tips, goodbye GPA). I haven't even begun to look at the first two papers.


Why is being a student so difficult? It's summer school so these courses are moving super quick so trying to be on top of it plus work at least four shifts a week has been getting really over-whelming. The restaurant asked me to pick up a shift today and tomorrow and I told them I could do tomorrow (which I am starting to regret), but hopefully the tips will be good and make up for it. I worked on Monday night and it was so busy. Apparently it has been like that all week so they are trying to add staff to the floor. This is the second last week of these courses though and after that I will be starting a new one but thankfully it will only be one course. I think it'll be a lot more manageable.

So while I sit in this chair for the next 6 hours, please say a prayer to the paper gods for me!

- A