Just not cut out for it

So I've been back at my summer place for a week now and I must say, I'm not getting back into the swing of things.

I've been getting extremely overwhelmed and stressed out and tonight I actually had a breakdown in the middle of the rush and started crying in the middle of the kitchen/main side stand in front of all of the staff.

I'm just so frustrated. I have been serving since first year.. which means I've been serving for 4 years now. Mind you, I've served on and off and at a bunch of different places because I move away for school and home for the summers. But I'm still a weak server. At this point I think I've come to terms with the idea that I just suck at serving. Some people can do it and others can't. I'm one that can't. My friend has been serving for maybe two years now and she handles so many tables and gives good service and keeps a cool head. I get 4 tables and I start panicking.

While I know that I don't plan on turning serving into a career, I don't know if I should just walk away from it all-together. Serving is a career for many people and they can make more money than people sitting behind a desk. I'm not blind to the stigma around serving as a career. I commend you if you do this for a living. It takes a strong, smart, collected and quick-thinking person to be able to handle this profession.

I need the money desperately for school but if I'm a weak server, I know I'm a burden for the rest of the staff and that makes me feel shitty. I know how annoying it is to have a weak link and in this case, I'm the weak link.

I hope I figure it out I guess. Thanks for the read. I needed to flush it out because I've been tossing and turning for the last hour going over the stress of tonight's shift.

Hopefully now I can get some sleep and prepare to do it all again tomorrow.

xoxo

- A