Just not cut out for it

So I've been back at my summer place for a week now and I must say, I'm not getting back into the swing of things.

I've been getting extremely overwhelmed and stressed out and tonight I actually had a breakdown in the middle of the rush and started crying in the middle of the kitchen/main side stand in front of all of the staff.

I'm just so frustrated. I have been serving since first year.. which means I've been serving for 4 years now. Mind you, I've served on and off and at a bunch of different places because I move away for school and home for the summers. But I'm still a weak server. At this point I think I've come to terms with the idea that I just suck at serving. Some people can do it and others can't. I'm one that can't. My friend has been serving for maybe two years now and she handles so many tables and gives good service and keeps a cool head. I get 4 tables and I start panicking.

While I know that I don't plan on turning serving into a career, I don't know if I should just walk away from it all-together. Serving is a career for many people and they can make more money than people sitting behind a desk. I'm not blind to the stigma around serving as a career. I commend you if you do this for a living. It takes a strong, smart, collected and quick-thinking person to be able to handle this profession.

I need the money desperately for school but if I'm a weak server, I know I'm a burden for the rest of the staff and that makes me feel shitty. I know how annoying it is to have a weak link and in this case, I'm the weak link.

I hope I figure it out I guess. Thanks for the read. I needed to flush it out because I've been tossing and turning for the last hour going over the stress of tonight's shift.

Hopefully now I can get some sleep and prepare to do it all again tomorrow.

xoxo

- A

"The Owner asked to be Seated in Your Section"

It was at that moment that I wanted to evaporate.

So we were expecting it to be dead tonight because it's a long weekend. We only had 5 servers on when we usually have 8 or 9. We got slammed after the manager went down to THREE servers. I had 7 tables at once which is insane for my place and the kitchen was so backed up. It was just the crap I only have nightmares about coming true right before my eyes.

As if shit couldn't get any worse, the owner came in with his family and sat in my section. I have never served him before and I was so nervous I was literally shaking. I didn't really know how to approach it. Would I just go and they would order without a second thought?

Well he made it clear when he told me to go through all of the steps of service.

I froze like a deer in headlights and couldn't even utter a word. If I wasn't so busy with other tables, I would have managed it better. But I had 6 tables to look after not including them. I just straight up told him that I don't do well under pressure and I was incredibly nervous. He eventually accepted that I was a lost cause and just went through the motions. My co-workers now know my pre-anxiety attack face and helped me so much when they could. Even just telling me that I got this and not to stress. Even my manager was like "just do your best, who cares! You are only here for the summer so don't even worry". It really helped to know that people had my back.

And I rang in gluten free penne for the owners dish instead of regular penne. We serve all of our GF food on bright green plates so it's not like I could have hid it. After I rang it in I went to the kitchen and told them that I made the mistake and they gave me shit because I waited like 10 minutes to tell them. Luckily I was looking over what I rang in or else I wouldn't have even caught it at all.

I just got in for the night and I have to open tomorrow morning so I need to be at the restaurant in less than 12 hours. That is so depressing considering how crazy tonight was. I made $100 and really need the money but hopefully it isn't as crazy tomorrow.

xoxoxox

- gossip girl

- A