Hey readers, if there even are any,
I am writing this post in an attempt to help calm my nerves and mind. I have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember and it likes to come and go periodically. These last couple weeks of work have been the worst. On Friday night it got so bad that I had an anxiety attack in the middle of my shift and had to go stand by the dumpsters as I hyperventilated and cried hysterically. It was embarrassing to have my co-workers see me like that.
My shifts on Saturday and Sunday caused so much stress and anxiety that I just sat in the parking lot after my shift ended because I couldn't even drive I was so worked up.
I know you probably think "then just quit your job if its that bad". I can't. I am only at this place for 2 more months and then I go away to school. I won't be able to find a job and make money (which I REALLY need) for the last 2 months of summer so I am stuck there. On top of it all school has been really stressful as well. I have been getting through it but this week has just been my breaking point. On top of that, I have been having a bit of home issues as well.
Everything combined has just made me feel incredibly defeated and I just want to give up and say f*ck everything. I want to just lay in my bed for hours and not do anything.
But I can't.
I'm sorry that this post is so depressing and is just me with my scattered thoughts rambling but it just feels better writing down my thoughts. It makes it feel real and may even help me to release some of the stress.
If you're reading this and have struggled or are struggling with mental health issues I just want to say, I get it. It f*cking sucks being your own worst enemy or thinking about something over and over and over and over causing you to stress out until you can't even bear the thought of facing it. You're not alone. I'm not alone.
But getting through the rough patch is like when you start getting out of the weeds at work. You feel like you climbed a mountain and even though it was the hardest thing ever, you forget the struggle as soon as you see the amazing view.
I will get to the top of this mountain soon, and you will too.
xoxox
- A
you got this. remember - one step at a time.
ReplyDelete“Fight one more round. When your feet are so tired that you have to shuffle back to the centre of the ring, fight one more round. When your arms are so tired that you can hardly lift your hands to come on guard, fight one more round. When your nose is bleeding and your eyes are black and you are so tired you wish your opponent would crack you one on the jaw and put you to sleep, fight one more round – remembering that the man who always fights one more round is never whipped.”
Practice reckless optimism, my dear. It will never fail you.
thanks for your kind words blonde <3
ReplyDelete